Kya pata ....Kal ho na ho!!!

No!...This post is not about the movie...or the lack of logic in it either!....

How many of us are actually living in the present?..How many of us are conscious of what we stand for..? Of what we love...and want badly?...I am not talking about our plans for the future...or where do u see urself five years from now(...God...what is that supposed to mean btw....)...I am talking about NOW!.....is what is happening right now what you want(i mean ...what is happening now...is that what u wanted sometime in the past)..God!..I cant believe how confusing I get at times!...Phew..!...

I had a friend back in engineering college...She is no more....You cant imagine what I would do to have her back.....to chat with her....(She had an amazing sense of humour....The time when Star Wars:Attack of the Clones had released...was the same time when Sohail Khan's first movie was released....When his song came on TV...She just said that this should be have been called attack of the clones instead(For the uninitiated she meant that he was just as stiff and brawny as his bro Salman Khan....It was so well timed and original...I break into a smile everytime I think of it!....)..go places with her...click more pics together....But can I do that now?...

I wish I had spent more time with my grandmother....She is very special to me....and I miss her immensely.....I wish I would have shared more of my life with her......I wish I can take back the harsh words (which were never really meant!) I said when I was corrected/scolded....even if I was right and she was wrong....I wish I had cooked for her as she used to cook for me.....I wish I had watched more movies with her....may be read out books to her...I so wish I had spent more time with her..knowing her life more...about what she did when she was a young girl..when she was married...She did tell me stories about her life....In fact my childhood is full of her stories..about how .my father used to fool everyone that he had brushed his teeth when infact he used to never do it till scolded(Eewwww!)..about the time when she was alone in her house and some prick made a pass at her and then how she locked herself in a room to get away from him..alone and scared but brave...in her own house...and how I was lost on the streets of mumbai when i had just started walking...and (in her words by the grace of god!)..how a passing neighbour found me....and got me back....about how she had spun cotton yarn in the Gandhian movement..how her grandfather taught her english.....but I wish I had made a deliberate effort to know her more.....to know her likes...dislikes..her life......like there was no tomorrow........Can I do that now?

I came across a most pathetic person in my school years.The girl had issues with everyone....Not simple issues..But big complex ones.....She used to never be happy with anyone's personality..always judgemental....always crooked in her opinion.......In retrospect I realize now that she was(is) the one with real issues....But guess what?.. I never saw it like that at that time.......I liked her once upon a time...and her opinion mattered a lot to me.....That was my mistake...If you let the wrong poeple in your life...they will never be happy with what u do or who u are...and consequently you will never be happy in that relation....and maybe your other and possibly better relations will suffer.....I spent so much time and enerygy on that (wretched) relation...I wish i could take all that back...and have done better things.....She even had a problem(a big one) with my younger sister..(Now, what kind of a person has a BIG problem with someone's YOUNGER sis...whom u happen to meet so infrequently..Ans = A person mired in inferiority complexes and loads of other unfortunate issues.!.)..Once she said something to my sister....and I didnt stand up for my sister then.......(I was in the eighth std then and my sis in sixth.. ) Now anyone who knows me knows that my sister means the world to me...I so wish I could have found out what a fake person that girl was and have stood up for my sister then...Its not that I didn't know in my heart that my psychotic friend was wrong ...but I chose to rationalize her behaviour to myself and my sister....My sister of course won't remember all this...but I do...and feel really bad about it everytime....I so wish I could go back and do the right thing......Since then I have realized that standing up for the people you love is one of the best things u can do for THEM....and standing up for what u believe in is one of the best things u can do for YOURSELF....From personal experience I know that both these translate to fewer regrets and more happiness in life....

I have wasted a lot of my (precious) time with false people(they come in great numbers ,don't they?)...people with issues,insecurities,pretensions,complexes(U name it and its on MY list baby!....Though I was too naive(ok dumb if you wish!)) to understand all this at that time)....too much time and effort has already been wasted behind foolish, incompetent ,inconsiderate,judgemental,insecure(etc) people who never stood by me in times of need....who never supported me .......I badly wish I can have all that time back...and spend it with my family...my true friends...with children in the park...or just be alone and do things that I enjoy...or just sleep (even that would have been a better use of my time and energy!)......

This has taught me a very important and very expensive lesson(I paid for it with the one thing that is depleting with every passing second!i.e. my time in this world......pun intended!) in life.

A lesson to all by my of my experience (read mistakes):

Be conscious of what you stand for and whom you love/cherish/care for in your life.....Know why you do what you do..Is there a principle you stand for? Stand for it whole-heartedly...It doesnt matter if people dont understand,if people laugh....Is there a person whom you love dearly and maybe take for granted at times?....If your answer is yes...then stop doing that immediately...because times change and you can't do a thing about it no matter how hard you try.......so do it when u can...Thats the only way out.......

Do things like there is no tomorrow...Because you know what?....One day there will be none!